I think it was around November when I first came to the realisation that I was turning thirty in two months and I am going, to be honest, It was the first time I looked at an age in such a reflective way.
My initial thoughts went to omg what have I done with my life. What have I achieved so far? I started to feel like there was so much I still wanted to do and achieved but just hadn’t gotten around to because I was too lazy. I noticed the signs and realised this could go into a downward spiral I did not want to visit. I began wishing I had written a ’30 things to do before 30 list’ and actually considered writing one to see what experiences I could fit into two months. Let me tell you now thoughts like that can be toxic.
Having goals and aims is good but if there is anything we can take from the last year, it is that life is unpredictable. If I had made this list back when I was in my early twenties, it would have failed to account for the dip in my mental health which shifted my goals and ambitions. (There was a point where I literally did not have the brain space I do now.)
I wanted something healthier to help navigate my thoughts. I came across someone who said they wrote ’30 things I have done before 30′ list and thought that was a better idea. So I took to my journal and did exactly that. It felt a bit weird at first. Now I am not going to share it with you because I am not that narcissistic but I am glad I made that list. I wasn’t sure what to expect at first and it did take me a few minutes to get used to the idea of looking at what I viewed to be my accomplishments but by the time I got to thirty it did the job, it served to do.
The one thing I consciously worked on in the last year of my twenties, was myself. In October I wrote down the type of person I was and the type of person I wanted to be. I spent a lot of my time in the past ten years self-sabotaging myself and not being happy with the choices I was making. I felt like a failure on the train of failsville without any clue of how to get off.
2020 things started changing. it was a reflective year but also one with intention. I made a conscious decision to look at each choice I made and put effort and energy into the things I wanted to and realised you know what as I am turning thirty, I am not a bad person, heck I might even like the person I am becoming and that in itself is pretty darn powerful if you ask me
Do I have goals and plans for the next 10 years? Yes, I do but that doesn’t mean I know what the next ten years will look like. What I do know is that I am closer to being a person I can be proud of. A person who can stand tall and say I am Nafisah with confidence in myself.
I don’t know about you but regardless of what age you are, I think that is something we should all strive for. Don’t you?